I think I attend possibly the ONLY university in the world which would use a medical case study on an exam that included a family which consisted of two married women and their nine year old son. It was a simple case where one of the mother’s was suffering from a disease and we, as their “medical team”, were too debate whether or not medical intervention or non-pharmacological intervention was the best choice in the scenario.
It’s something simple and very minuscule that represents the values of this nation and the values of the people that live in it. Everyone can have a family, everyone has the right to seek medical care, and everyone has the right to live.
I don’t give a rat’s ass what YOU believe, or what I believe. That is a universal law; no one should be denied the dignity of being a human being - that dignity which is sacred and not for mortals to meddle in.
I keep reminding myself that there are people out there, who are making their dreams come true. They are striving, they are struggling, they are fighting for their lives - and they are making their dreams a reality.
Omg these exams will be the death of me. What is fun? I know only studying and pain and misery. All this effort is for naught - I am going to fail. No way can I pass all this.
YES. I SEE THE LIGHT. PRAISE BE TO GOD. Almost done first year, Dear God so closeeeeeee. Climbing the last steps, almost there now - to the summittt. A fewwww more steeps. KEeePP GoingGggG. Keeep. Going. [P. Sherman. 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, Australia]
I’ve gotten really good at many things; many habits I wanted to let go of I’ve let go of and I’m a lot happier. But there’s one thing that I can’t get rid of, and it didn’t bother me as much before but it’s starting to erk me quite a bit.
I actually forget to eat.
People laugh when they hear this but I’m not joking. My stomach will roar like a whole menagerie of animals, but I’m so used to ignoring it for whatever reason. I’ve become tolerant and accustom to the pangs of hunger in my stomach.
And I don’t know how to stop. It’s starting to bother me now cause I kinda would like to be a bit bigger physically. I don’t mean to say I don’t like myself now. I’m actually quite confident in my body and my looks (something which took A LONG LONG time), but for myself, personally, I would like be physically stronger. And this whole, not eating thing, is really not working….
My exam period (aka a taste of hell) extends from April 14th to the 30th, and comprises of 6 final exams.
I’ve had a few days off to prepare… and I used them to somewhat study but mostly to watch Koreandramas/movies/catchupwithfriendsorfamily…
Because of said inappropriate usage of time I felt guilty today, so I tried to make up for it by sitting down and making a “study schedule”. I printed a calender for April and inked in all my exams dates.. and omg. That’s when I realized how screwed I was. xD I should’ve visualized these dates sooner….
SO, in lieu of the recent spike in stress - I wish all the students out there success in these miserable times and I’m praying for everyone to find happiness and opportunity.
In return, please pray for me too / send positive vibes. I’d greatly appreciated it. :)
My friends and I were speculating earlier today, about whether or not we would be friends in highschool if we knew each other then - given that in this hypothetical situation, we all went to the same highschool (ignoring age gaps and assuming we were all born in the same year).
I wasn’t afraid to say no. Because I strongly believe we wouldn’t have been. What people know me as now, was not the me 3 years ago. The me who I went to highshcool and the first bit of uni being was not the me who I am now. I was shy, I was not out-going at all, I hated attention, and I hated myself.
I’m so happy that alhumdulilah, today was my last class of my first year of pharmacy school. But I’m so sad that, for four months, I won’t be seeing my friends every single day for seven hours. As much as I complained sometimes about the long hours of class - I’m going to miss it so much. It’s become such a large part of my life.
We went to bubble tea and sat around talking about the year. How much time we’ve spent together, how much more time we have in the coming years (insha’allah), how much we know about each other and how much we’ve gotten used to each other’s presence. Everyone was a little down about the prospect, but also excited about the summer and the things we have planned. It was such a clash of emotions. And on top of that, It was raining all day which didn’t help the mood much. Beautiful though, but melancholic.
And now, on a Friday night, I’ve come home early for the first time in a long time. A thick fog just fell over the area and I’m just gonna let myself lay around with my 3DS and some nostalgic music playing.
I went out to dinner with a couple of friends today, I’m not sure how the conversation got to this point - but it included my friend, pointing at me with a steak-cutting knife yelling: “GIRLS DON’T POOP OKAY - IT’S A MYTH, like unicorns.”
I’m realizing that as I get older - a picture of what I want my future to be like is forming. And that picture is getting sharper with each passing day.
It’s filled with wants. Things like where I want to work, how often I want to work, where I want to travel to, the things I want to experience, things that I want from my spouse, and things I want to fulfill in turn, how I want my house to be like, where I want it to be, how I want to dress my kids, how I want them to grow up and in what environment, what values I want to give them, how I want to impart my religion to them and my people’s customs and traditions and most importantly language.
It’s weird. I never really thought about them before. And although any form of real relationship and definitely marriage are still entirely off the table for the next 5-7 years, I think I’m warming up to the idea that some day - I do want those things.
I do want kids, and a house, and a stable job and marriage (insha’Allah).
A year ago today, I sat in my Pharmacy school admission interview.
I didn’t know where my life was headed. I didn’t know how my life would change. and of course I was more stressed than I had ever been.
Subhan’allah, how much can change in just 12 months.
There are new faces that have become so dear to me; old faces who have become even more so (possibly even searingly so). How I have matured in every form, mentally, spiritually and academically, I can’t really explain in words. Hard to explain too, is how much I have come to understand myself . I just am. And I am more than I ever was before. As if before I was a flickering candle, today I am an ardent flame - a raging firestorm.
There was once a time when I was broken. So broken, I never thought I would be fixed. But the Lord is gracious and the Lord is kind. And my prayers fell not on deaf ears.
Time has wore on, and now more than ever I wish it would just stop so I could admire. Admire my own youthfulness and energy. Admire that of my friends and loved ones. Admire the fleeting moments that are whizzing right past; the evenings of song and dance, the nights filled with heart-felt secrets and laughter - all the broken hearts and all the tears. The long days of too many hours of class. The lunch breaks, raptly anticipated for. The birthdays and the cakes. The dreams and aspirations.
I wish I could stop it all, slow it down so I could properly take it all in.
But that’s just it. It won’t stop. Time is ruthless, and it wears on.
The sensation of missing someone is so strange. The fact that you can genuinely feel your heart ache and become heavy over the thought of someone who is not with you is strange. Craving the physical presence of someone is weird. The fact that you wish another person was here right now. It’s just weird how all of you can want something. How every fiber within your being can sense an absence. It’s just strange.
Sometimes I wonder how easy life would be if I stopped caring - if i just gave up on all the relationships in my life.
If I just, the next day, stopped replying to all the messages. Stopped planning out surprises for people’s birthdays. Stopped organizing card signings on birthday cards. Stopped calling in to reserve places for dinner. Stopped sending friendly check up texts from time to time. Stopped wishing people a good Friday, every Friday. Stopped trying to cheer people up when they’re down. Stopped sharing everything I have to lighten people’s load.
But then - I wonder who I would be without all that, And tbh, I don’t know who I would be without that.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”—Haruki Murakami (via itslaban)
There’s something about kids that should never be lost as adults: joy in the little things.
So many people are “unhappy” about things. I’m not saying you don’t have reason to be sad or angry - I’m sure we ALL have more than enough things to frown about. I just think we give those things to much power over us. Particularly when a lot of those things are things we cannot change. They are out of our influence, yet still for some reason we ponder and mope over them.
Children are different. Children rarely hold grudges and they rarely are unhappy for more than a few minutes. They find little things to enjoy, the snow, toys, candy, dessert, play time, tv shows (what have you). I’m not saying happiness ALL the time is sustainable, but I am saying that it’s good to know what makes you happy and engage in it often.
Happiness is not isolated. You cannot expect yourself to somehow magically be happy all the time, given that life changes SO often. Being and staying happy has more to do with stabilizing your own environment, learning how to deal with adversity and how to adapt to different situations. It’s an active process, and one that requires you to understand yourself and the people around you (the people you choose to keep around you).
I’ve been wanting to write something meaningful for the past few days, and I’ve had a couple of things I really wanted to just type about… But I just can’t bring myself to do it.
It’s that time of year where school has sucked me dry. I’ve been hanging around home (or at other people’s homes) watching TV, watching movies, talking, lounging, playing video games and sleeping.
It’s like the calm before the storm. 6 final exams this year in April and on top of that, I have to write this pharmaceutical calculations exam at the end of this month. I get 4 tries at this exam and to pass I HAVE to get 100%. If I fail I won’t be able to write my pharmacy license exam when I graduate (and I don’t really know what happens, the faculty keeps telling us this has never happened before….. but I keep thinking what if I’m the first one… xD)
Insha’allah, things work out though. Tonight I realized exactly how much work I actually have to do. So let’s hope this week is productive!
“I like people with depth, I like people with emotion, I like people with a strong mind, an interesting mind, a twisted mind, and also someone that can make me smile.”—Abbey Lee Kershaw (via larmoyante)